My guess is that Usher thinks, "My autograph is far more valuable than a tip. I'm doing this girl a favor." But what Usher doesn't realize is, regardless of the autograph's current value, it isn't worth much. Not to your average waitress anyway. What college student or single mom has the time to go home, snap a few pictures of the signature, post them to Ebay, monitor the online auction for a week, drop a package in the mail, and then wait another week in order to get her cash? She is probably knee-deep in school books. Or diapers. Or both.
As a Christian, I wonder how often I make similar gestures and suggestions that are inherently valuable, but aren't worth much at the time I'm giving them.
- A friend says that he is struggling with alcohol, and I simply say, "Man, you know, I live my life based on the Bible, and the Bible tells us to not get drunk."
- A relative calls to say that she has cancer, and I offer up a flippant, "You're going to be just fine. Remember, God promises to never give us more than we can handle."
- A neighbor confides that he is going through a divorce, and I throw out, "What are you thinking?! You know God hates divorce, right?"
Each of these responses is true and has value...but, in the moment, they aren't worth much. Information is rarely helpful in the middle of chaos. It's like trying to instruct a person how to properly skydive after jumping out of an airplane. It's like trying to teach someone to swim while they're drowning. It's like Usher offering up his autograph at a restaurant instead of a tip.
Don't try to teach during tragedy. Love. Listen. Help. Hug. Support. Share. But, whatever you do, don't teach. Someday your words will be helpful. Someday that verse will mean something. Someday the advice will resonate. But today -- in the middle of their mess -- probably isn't that day.
Oh my...I am so guilty of this. Sometimes I think we immediately refer to the bible because it's what we, personally, lean on so heavily in a crisis. Scripture is often my security blanket when I don't feel like I have the right words for a certain situation. But you're correct in that sometimes a bible lesson isn't what's needed in a delicate/difficult moment. Excellent blog!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Angie! It's a tough thing to master, and I certainly don't have it down myself. :-) Thanks for reading!
DeleteI dealt with this recently too with a friend who is going through some stuff God delivered me from. This is an important point to remember Tim, I know because I've been on the receiving end, and that's what God used to teach me to just support my friend and say things like "I turned it over to God" without beating him over the head with the Bible. I feel like God has delivered me for a reason and that's to live my life according to Him, knowing the guys I used to hang out with are watching. I can't stress enough how right you are Tim, thank you for clarifying in words what God has laid on my heart :)
ReplyDeleteEric...thanks for your note. It's a fine line to walk and, above all, we just need to be taking direction from the Holy Spirit as to what to say and when to say it. So glad this resonated with you!
DeleteGreat post. I think it comes down to loving God, and loving people. Showing grace to someone speaks so much louder than any words we will ever say. I continue to learn rhis. Thanks for the reminder.
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