The "Six Word Memoir"

I recently came across a fascinating project. Actually, it's more of a mental exercise...but it's an exercise worth trying. It's called the "Six Word Memoir."

The "Six Word Memoir" finds it's home on SMITH magazine's website, and the concept was recently posted again on author Ian Cron's blog. In a nutshell, the goal is to write the story of your life in six words. A pithy sentence or phrase or set of phrases that describes who you are, where you've been, and where you're going.

I've read some that are funny. Some that are heartbreaking. And some that are just plain weird. But the important part is, each is meaningful to the person who wrote it. Here are a few of my favorites:

Twenties? So hip. Fifties? Sore hips.

Bridesmaid twice. Bride never. Disappointed maybe.

Rollercoaster life means lots of vomit.

Middle class: Above poverty. Below dreams.

In his phone I am "sweetheart."

Someone wise once said, "I wrote a long book because I didn't have time to write a short one." The idea being, it's HARD to succinctly and yet sufficiently get a point across. But there is remarkable power in brevity. Less, in many cases, really is more. And seeing the story of your life in six short words can be very powerful indeed. It's worth the effort.

On this blog, I've written about struggling with perfectionism. I've written about my divorce. I've written about my ongoing journey of finding myself (and God) in the midst of it all. And while those things don't necessarily define me, they do tell my story pretty well. They give an accurate picture of the "arc" of my time here on earth thus far.

So, with that said, here is my "Six Word Memoir":

Faked perfection. Failed publicly. Finding perspective.

What's yours?

Hungry, Hungry Hypocrites

When it comes to the word hypocrisy, I've found that Christians and non-Christians have two different definitions. To Christians, hypocrisy is “striving for perfection without attaining it.” To non-Christians, hypocrisy is “accepting grace without giving it.”

Followers of Jesus tend to assume that the world is looking for perfection. And, since nobody can actually be perfect, we cover up our faults, put on a false front of superiority, and look for ways to point out how we are doing a better job at living life than everybody else.

But, in reality, the world doesn’t expect followers of Jesus to be perfect. They expect us to be honest about our shortcomings. They expect us to be transparent about our failures. And they expect us to consistently and freely offer the same love and grace to others that we claim to have been given by Christ.

Hypocrisy decried by the mainstream culture has little to do with an occasional angry outburst at work, periodic bouts with materialism, or a divorce. It has little to do with saying a bad word every once in awhile, cutting someone off in traffic, or having a baby before you get married. Instead, the true rub comes in the consistent double-standards that Christians so often display. It comes from using select Bible verses and Christian traditions to condemn those around us, while using other verses and traditions to explain away our own, less-than-biblical lifestyles.

You may remember a recent blog about my struggle with how and when to tell my two young boys about the divorce I went through in my twenties. As comments started coming in, it was clear that many others had wrestled with this same question. We all were battling pain, guilt, and remorse…and were thrilled to be able to find (and offer) encouragement in each other’s posts.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for an anonymous visitor to throw some “holier-than-thou water” on us. His post simply read, “Hmm? Anyone read Mark 10:12, Matthew 5:31, or Deuteronomy 24:3?” As if those of us involved in the discussion weren’t already aware of what the Bible had to say about divorce.

His actions were the online equivalent of waltzing into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, yelling “Ephesians 5:18,” and leaving. He was using a few specific verses in the Bible to condemn us, without any thought whatsoever to the myriad of verses in the Bible that would just as rightly condemn him. This guy was so focused on proclaiming perfection, that he had no time or energy for giving God’s grace.

This is the kind of hypocrisy that turns the world off. This is the type of inconsistency that Christians have justified for years. This is the sort of double-standard that is standing in the way of effectively showing those around us what the gospel is really all about.

Jesus doesn’t ask any of us to be perfect, but he does ask us to be gracious. Proverbs 15:26 says, “The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but gracious words are pure in his sight.” Ironically, the world around us is asking for the very same thing.

Pretending or Living?

(This is the introduction to my book "Branded: Sharing Jesus with a Consumer Culture." You can order it now or read the first few chapters for free.)

“It’s weird. I’m a Christian, and even I don’t like us very much.”

I can’t tell you how many people have said something like that to me over the years. I have to admit I’ve had the same thought at times. Maybe you have as well. Perhaps it came when the church you once thought was safe turned out to be full of judgmental cliques. Or when the small group Bible study you used to attend turned out to be a bunch of gossipy socialites. Or after the guys you saw pray around the conference table at lunch turned out to be the ones who chased women and drank too much on business trips.

Call it hypocrisy, call it insincerity, call it whatever you want. The bottom line is that many Christians have an “-ing” problem. We’re pretty good at say-ing, but not so good at do-ing. We’re pretty good at act-ing, but not so good at be-ing. We’re pretty good at pretend-ing, but not so good at truly liv-ing.

I don’t know about you, but it seems that to compensate for that deficit (and make ourselves feel better), those of us who are Christians have attempted to “brand” our relationship with Jesus. Rather than actually trying to change, we’ve instead decided to make the world think that we’re different. Think that we’re holy. Think that we’re transformed. We’ve covered ourselves up with all sorts of meaningless trinkets and rituals that (in our own heads) permit us to show one thing, yet be another.

We put “Jesus Saves” bumper stickers on our cars so we don’t feel as bad about driving eighty miles per hour on the interstate. We listen to Christian radio during our morning commutes so we don’t feel as bad about watching Desperate Housewives the night before. We post uplifting, churchy things on our Facebook pages so we don’t feel as bad about routinely belittling our kids. You get the idea.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the world is watching, and our ridiculous actions aren’t fooling anyone. Those who don’t know Christ aren’t buying the act. In fact, they’re ignoring it. Following Jesus has become to them like a high school variety show, complete with dated costumes, cheesy songs, and bad acting.

I think it’s time to change that perception.

Your impact (and mine) on our friends, family, and co-workers has nothing to do with the sayings on our bumpers or the symbols around our necks. It has nothing to do with the number of Bible verses we tweet or the biblical names we give our kids. It has nothing to do with how many times we go to church or how often we put money in the offering plate.

Rather, sharing Jesus with today’s culture has everything to do with being personally branded by Christ. With being forever changed by Jesus. With being permanently marked by our Savior. I can’t promise you the process won’t hurt a little, but I can promise you that it will be well worth it.

7 Things Every Graduate Needs to Know

(I was asked to speak at a high school baccalaureate service this week, and the speech I gave was patterned after a letter I wrote to my two young boys last year. Below is a very condensed version of what I shared...)

Dear Graduate,

You have spent the last thirteen years of your life in school and are ready to begin a new chapter. And whether your new chapter involves college, vocational training, work, or travel...there are seven things that you need to know first. Things you weren't taught in math or science or English class.

1.  When it comes to education: Spend much time learning, but spend more time giving. It is better to do more while knowing less than do less while knowing more. (Proverbs 11:24 - "One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.") 

2.  When it comes to happiness: Realize that, if the grass is greener on the other side, someone probably worked really hard to make it that way.  It is better to tend your own lawn than abandon it for someone else’s. (Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.")

3.  When it comes to friends:  Choose peers who like you for you instead of liking you for themselves.  It is better to be accepted by one for who you are than accepted by many for what you have. (Proverbs 19:6 - "Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts.")

4.  When it comes to work: Find a job that grows your heart and shrinks your ego rather than grows your ego and shrinks your heart.  It is better to be poor and powerless doing something you love than rich and powerful doing something you regret. (Proverbs 29:23 - "A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.")

5.  When it comes to love: Don’t get married when the girl says she can’t live without you.  Get married when your heart says you can’t live without her. It is better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single. (Proverbs 31:10 - "A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.")

6.  When it comes to family: Don't let someone's actions impact your love, but use your love to impact their actions.  It is better to know a love that doesn't end rather than constantly wonder when it will.  (Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.")

7.  When it comes to faith: Align your lifestyle with your beliefs, not your beliefs with your lifestyle.  It is better to hold on to your convictions when life gets hard than let go of them to make life easier.  (Proverbs 28:14 - "Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.")

Now, class is over...go eat some cake.

The View from Under the Bus

Several weeks ago I was informed that Publisher's Weekly had agreed to review my new book. In the literary world, this is comparable to Billboard or Rolling Stone doing a write-up on a Christian album. It happens, but it's somewhat rare...especially for a debut author. So, obviously, I was excited to get the news.

However, as I waited for the review to come out, two thoughts kept coming to mind:

- If Publisher's Weekly says good things, I'm going to tell everyone I know.
- If Publisher's Weekly says bad things, they clearly have no idea what they're talking about.

In fact, I had even begun writing blogs in my head about taking praise and/or dismissing criticism. I was fully prepared to accept how great Publisher's Weekly said my work was, or dismiss their negative comments as biased and uninformed. I was ready to freely take the good, or soundly reject the bad.

I don't know about you, but I find that it is all too easy to casually dismiss people when we don't agree with their perspective. We forget that, if we're willing to hold someone's praise in high esteem, we must also be willing to hold their criticism that way. If someone or something is important (or honest or revered) enough for us to value their positive comments, they are important (or honest or revered) enough for us to value their negative comments.

This happens frequently at church, at work, and at home. We claim to love our pastor, but as soon as he starts talking about tithing or serving or hell...we think about going somewhere else. We claim to respect our boss, but the moment she asks us to redo a big project...we start looking for another job. We claim to love our spouse, but the moment he calls us out on something...we commence the silent treatment.

Proverbs 1:7 says, "...fools despise wisdom and instruction." The temptation is to ignore (or rebel against) every negative that comes our way and soak up every positive. But that, as the Bible tells us, is a foolish way to go. Perhaps, instead, we need to consider the source - not the subject - before we start throwing things under the bus.

(For the record, Publisher's Weekly had a lot of nice things to say about the book!)

Bin Laden is Dead and Christians are...What?

Is it ever okay to lie? For most, the quick, gut-level response to that question is "no."

But let me ask you this: if a burglar broke into your house carrying a weapon and asked you if there was anybody else in the home, would you say, "Yeah, actually, my kids are hiding in the closet." Of course not. In extreme circumstances, sometimes we are forced to choose the lesser of two evils. Lying is wrong. But, when faced with the safety of your family, it can be the best option.

With that said, how should Christians react to the death of Usama bin Laden? Extending the "lesser of two evils" analogy, I think there are a couple of things to remember:

1. Not choosing the lesser of two evils is, essentially, choosing the greater of two evils.
2. The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Number one should dictate our actions. Number two should dictate our emotions regarding those actions.

When given the choice between two evils, we must chose the lesser. That might mean voting for a candidate who doesn't completely line up with your beliefs. That might mean speeding to get to the hospital with an incredibly sick child. That might mean using a baseball bat to get an intruder out of your home. That might mean taking the life of the mastermind behind the world's largest terrorist organization. None of these is ideal but, given the circumstances, they are better than the alternatives.

Are there biblical examples of this? Yes, plenty. David killed Goliath (1 Samuel 17). Joshua toppled Jericho (Joshua 6). Gideon fought the Midianites (Judges 6). Each event came at God's specific direction and involved the loss of life in exchange for the protection of others.

When choosing the lesser of two evils, we must not delight in the deed but rejoice in the result. Bending our beliefs, breaking the law, and being physically aggressive are actions that, in a world as God intended, would never have to occur. Rejoicing in anything evil - even if it is the best alternative - is dangerous. It desensitizes us from the gravity of the decision, and makes such choices easier in the future (with or without justification).

1 Corinthians 13 says, "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth." On Sunday it seems as if the lesser of two evils was done. But, as Christians, we should not delight in that. Evil is evil. Rather, we should rejoice in knowing that the alternative would have been much, much worse.