You can imagine my frustration then with a recent series of health concerns. At the risk of boring you with details, here is the timeline of what has transpired in the past few months:
- September 26 - I had minor surgery to remove what my doctor thought was a benign cyst from my scalp.
- October 3 - Pathology revealed that the cyst was actually a tumor...and my doctor and the pathologist both suspected lymphoma. The sample was sent to a lab out in California to get a second opinion.
- October 6 - The secondary pathology results come back "inconclusive," leading my oncologist to send the tissue to Mayo Clinic before proceeding with any form of treatment.
- October 19 - We learned that not only were the Mayo results not available, but they didn't even have the sample yet! My oncologist decided to order a PET scan while we're waiting, just to get a jump on things.
- October 21 - The PET scan is scheduled for early next week, but we won't have our next meeting with the oncologist until Thursday the 27th.
Essentially, since being told that I possibly have lymphoma, my wife and I have had to wait three agonizing weeks with no definitive diagnosis or treatment plan. And there is more waiting to be done. Given that my life is in the hands of these results, I'm growing increasingly frustrated with the entire process. (On the positive side, waiting for a traffic light to change doesn't seem so bothersome anymore.)
I'm reminded of Isaiah 40:31 which says, "They who wait upon the Lord will get new strength. They will rise up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weak." But, being completely honest, I am tired. I am weak.
I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of wondering. I'm tired of worrying my wife. I'm tired of staying up until midnight having morbid conversations. I'm tired of smiling and saying "I'm fine" just because I don't want to get into it. I'm tired of living my life under a cloud of uncertainty.
Thankfully, I'm also reminded of Exodus 17 where Moses was watching a battle between Israel and Amelek. When Moses held up his hands, Israel would be winning. When he put them down, Amalek would take control. In verse 12 it says, "Then Aaron and Hur held up his (Moses') hands, one on each side. His hands did not move until the sun went down." When Moses didn't have the strength to continue on his own, God provided people to help him press on. As it turns out, I need people like that too.
Though I have had many close friends and family praying for me already, I guess I'm asking for more. I'm asking for help "holding up my hands" today. When you get the chance, would you be willing to pray for me and my family? Pray for strength. Pray for encouragement. Pray for a complete absence of lymphoma in my body. And above all--despite the waiting, the fear, and the frustration--pray that my hands be held up throughout this entire process.
I am praying Tim!!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/girlfriends/girlfriends-in-god-october-21-2011.html?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fbpage&utm_campaign=dailyupdate
ReplyDeleteI read the devotional on the link above this morning. God is with you! Praying for you!
First of all, thank you for sharing with all of us! Please know that you have a community of people that love you and are definitely lifting you up! I am the same way you are, I don't like waiting for things, especially waiting for things that can cause more stress to our already stressful lives! I pray for God's peace to flood your life like never before! I pray that God's mighty hand would reach down and meet you right where you are in this! He sees and knows just what you are going through! I think of the song, "He is with you" by Mandisa! He will walk with you through this time in your life! And I pray that all of this was a fluke and the test will come back good and that there is no trace of any negative thing in your body! In Jesus'Name! Amen!
ReplyDeleteI am and will be praying for you and your family, Tim.
ReplyDeleteyou are a part of my morning so I consider you a part of my family. I will definitely be praying!
ReplyDeletePraying! Went through something similar a couple of years ago with my then, 15 year old daughter. After 6 agonizing months and 2 surgeries, we were eventually told that it was probably nothing. Sending prayers to you and your family during this difficult time.
ReplyDeletePraying!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Tim. We will all hold your arms up in prayer.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family. I work at a cancer center in Joliet so please know, there is so much more success in cancer treatments now than in the past, not to mention our God heals! ;o) Listen to the song Healer by Kari Jobe as you worship.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you to receive the promise of Phil4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"
ReplyDeleteDon't forget that you life does not depend on the diagnosis but on God! He will hold you and sustain you regardless of the doctor's determination.
ReplyDeleteThat being said I'll be sure to pray. You've been a blessing to me!
I am going through something similar Tim and understand about the patience. I go Monday to a sono-gram for Testicular cancer. I found a lump a couple months ago but was told it would probably go away. It recently got a little bigger and hence I went back to the Dr. My Dr. had a very concerned look on his face that worried me a lot! I tend to over-worry or over-think things so this has not helped. I will be praying for a good report for you. I hope we both get positive results back.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family Tim. You are such a blessing in so many lives, mine included.
ReplyDeleteProverbs 3:5-6
ReplyDelete"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and
Lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him
And He will make your path straight."
God already knows what your path holds
and has placed all the provisions you need
along the way. He is guiding you and watching every step with the deepest love and concern.
I will be praying for you daily through this journey.
I know how you feel right now. God completely healed me of cancer 14 years ago and all the effects that it did on my body. Hold on to the same faith that saved you to heal you too. He absolutely can be trusted!
This song has been a prayer of mine as my husband and I go through some hard times as well. I pray it encourages you and your family as it has encouraged both my husband and I. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zC617kE1maU We will be praying for you and your family Tim. My mom is a breast cancer survivor, I understand how hard waiting can be. Keep your eyes turned upward!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family. I remember when my sister had a very risky but life-saving surgery scheduled and it was postponed. I thought I couldn't handle waiting even longer to find out how it'd go... but looking back I can see that the timing that seemed so wrong was actually perfect (for reasons that didn't become apparent until after her surgery). God knows what he's doing...even when it doesn't seem like it!
ReplyDeleteI'm with the listener that said, You're part of my morning so I consider you part of my family! :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this will help or not, but I had one of the worst years of my life last year with the same uncertainty that you are going through now.
I had NO control of my physical body like I was used to having. After all, if your overweight and you don't want to be, you just go on a diet and lose the weight! If you don't like your hairstyle, you change it! Until something like this happens and we realize we really AREN"T in control at all!!! I've never learned more patience and how to let go like I learned last year! I went from fearful to faithful and my life hasn't been the same since! I've learned....WHERE CAN I GO BUT TO THE LORD???? He truly is our strong tower and I encourage you to rest in that. I can't say, through all this I got exactly the diagnosis I wanted, but I can live with it! because I know whom I believe in and am persuaded that He is able!!! I think God has you right where He wants you, to do a great work in your life!!! Know I'll be praying for you and your family.
My brother went through Cancer surgery Sep. 15.
ReplyDeleteWe almost lost him but God wasn't through with
him yet. He is getting better everyday and back
to going to McDonald's every morning to chat with the guys. Hang in there and keep praying.
Tim,
ReplyDeleteOne of my best friends just went through something very similar with her son. He is 5 years old, and had a suspicious lump removed. From the time they found the lump, had an ultrasound, met with the surgeon, had it removed, and found the results (turned out to be infection, oddly, and NOT cancer) almost one full month had passed.
It was agony. Torment.
I understand, as best as someone who has not faced this myself, can. I will pray for you, for your wife and children, for your doctors--and I will share with others and ask them to pray as well. Please keep us posted on what you find out.
In Christ,
Devin
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong, courageous and firm, FEAR NOT!, nor be in terror, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you: He will NOT fail you or forsake you.
ReplyDeletePraying!
I will pray for you and your family! Thank you for letting us know that you need prayer.
ReplyDeleteAny time a negative thought/worry pops into your head tell satan to leave you alone, you are trusting in God. I do this everytime and instantly feel a sense of calm come over me.
Hang in there and YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Thank you for the incredible privilege of allowing us to lift you and your worries before God! So many times, people keep their concerns to themselves. That robs them of the encouragement that they could receive from others, as well as the opportunity that it provides us to be a part of the work that God is doing in their lives. God will hold you and your family...regardless of the test results...and I pray that you are strengthened and encouraged by all of us who care so much for you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI will hold your hands up when you get tired...my brother-in-law was diagnosed with lymphoma a few years ago and with chemo and radiation he beat it. I know God is with you and will not give you more than you can handle. You give me inspiration every morning, and with God's help you will inspire me for many more years to come! I will keep you in my prayers--please keep us posted!
ReplyDeleteYour life is NOT in the hands of the pathology or PET scan results. Your life is in the hands of Jehova Rapha. I had a malignant melanoma removed last year..but that did not scare me as much as what I have been dealing with for 3 years now..all kinds of symptoms with no answers to what is causing them...numerous doctors including a trip to Mayo Clinic...so drs are just treating symptoms...but meds do not always help. I have learned ( I THINK...and HOPE) that the only one I can trust is the Lord...no one else seems to have any answers. It is scary, it is frustrating and I struggle with fear of the unknown...that being said...I will certainly be praying for you. I have been listening over and over and over to the song "Your Great Name" by Natalie Grant. It really ministers to me.
ReplyDeleteMy husband also went through a myriad of tests and waiting......until he had surgery for colon cancer. Praise God it had not spread and two years later he is fine. Tim, we learned so much during this chapter of our lives and there is a purpose. Prayers are sent your way and for your wife because it is difficult for the family, too. Please keep us posted and keeping trusting while you are waiting.
ReplyDeleteTim
ReplyDeleteWaiting is harder than a definite yes or no. If you hear "no, it's not cancer" the relief is palpable. If you hear "yes, you have cancer" you can begin to fight and amass your prayer warriors. Waiting is, well, just waiting and worrying. I could advise you to put it in God's hands but you already know that's where it is. I could tell you that if you do have cancer that it is curable but you still have to go through it. I could tell you that if you do not have cancer you will have more empathy to those who do - like Robert - but you already have empathy. Instead, the only thing I can tell you is that - just as all of us should - your task is to fully embrace life and your loved ones while you wait. God and the prayer warriors will do the rest.
Been there / Done that
Praying in earnest for you, Tim. We will also have our small group start praying. We hold you up Tim before God for great are His mercies. He loves you and so do each of us that listen to you faithfully every day. I believe, NO, I know God is doing GREAT things through you and Pam and the rest of the WBGL crew. I returned to the Lord because of WBGL when I had wandered away. You are in a Satanic battle right now and we read the back of the book: God wins! In Jesus name I ask for healing upon your entire body. Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh Tim there is nothing worse than the unknown. I had a simular experience with my Dad and my husband. We just prayed to know!! May God give you peace.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely will be praying for you and your family. You are not the only one that is impatient on your answer I think that all of us are that way. It seems that we can handle the bad news, just can't handle the unknown. Praying for you to have an awesome miracle and a huge testimony to use in the Lord's work. :)
ReplyDeleteI have prayed for you and will pray for you! I love the verses about moses. I think that in the hardest tomes these verses can be used to encourage anyone and that your faith is on the right track! God bless your family!
ReplyDeleteLot's of prayers! The waiting is so hard, the not knowing, the questions without answers, the maybes, the what if's. Fear not for the Lord is with you. All of us will be lifting you and your family up. Praying for peace and some quick answers. I Know that God is listening. *HUGS*
ReplyDeletePraying for you and holding your arms up. Thanks for sharing and allowing us to help you pray.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for strength and peace for you and your family, Tim. Even in this time of uncertainty you are touching lives for God!
ReplyDeleteKeeping you and your family in prayer. We went through a similar situation with my mom a few years ago. The doctors were all convinced she had melanoma on her scalp. The surgeon expected the cancer to be spread into her brain and for her to have only a short time left. When they removed the spot and biopsied it, there was no cancer. The doctors were amazed and all told her that she had experienced a miracle. We believe that whole heartedly. We serve a mighty God who can heal and continues to work miracles. Remain strong and lean not on your own understanding.
ReplyDeletePraying for you friend!
ReplyDeleteHolding your arms up Tim!!!
ReplyDeleteTim, prayed for your family tonight and the walk you're on right now. Of course you know our Saviour walks with you or you wouldn't be asking for prayers. I wanted to share a link with you from a dear friend who is walking a similar path. Her encouragement as she walks the path with the Lord is amazing. You'll need to create a log-in for the site, but I guarantee you'll be blessed if you read how AJ is walking her GOd ordained path...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.caringbridge.org/visit/crzycora
Sincerely, CLM
Tim,you are in my prayers. Unfortunately I know exactly what you are going through...my Dad, my Mom, my sister and I have ALL been diagnosed with cancer in the last 6-1/2 years. The waiting can be unbearable. I pray that you receive a different outcome than we did.
ReplyDeleteWhile you're waiting...check out www.knowthecause.com. You'll find information that is interesting and encouraging. God bless you!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family gos has a plan for you I will pray that god gives you a peace and weapons his arms around you and give ya eeat
ReplyDeleteTim, my family and I are upholding you in prayer; thanks for sharing with us, the body of believers. Our job is to lean on one another in all seasons of life. Having been diagnosed with lymphoma in 2005 at the age of 34 and having a baby at home, I can sympathise with what you and your wife are going through. My tests from a local C-U hospital after a lung biopsy were "it could be a pre-low grade lymphoma", and then it was sent to Mayo, and the same wording was used. My sister and I also went to Northwestern in Chicago, and they were eager to diagnose my strange situation. They did diagnose me with M.A.L.T. lymphoma and told me to do chemotherapy. I felt a nag in my heart after that not to do it, and I told them I wasn't, and I didn't. To make a long, long story even longer, my cancer diagnosis was reversed by a pathologist at Barnes Jewish Hospital in February of 2009--they told me that by me not taking chemotherapy, I saved my life. I ended up being diagnosed with an immune system disorder. So, I share all of this to say, yes, I know the road, and the uncertainty.
ReplyDeleteI will also remind you of what you said above: "Given that my life is in the hands of these results, I'm growing increasingly frustrated with the entire process." Your life is not in the hands of these results, but rather in the hands of the living God. Your circumstances do not dictate anything in your life; we are not to be victims of our circumstances, b/c God triumphs over all situations. You have been given an opportunity, like I was, to trust God in the midst of the storm. You can only see right now, and this is your opportunity to reach out to the Lord (as well as your wife) like never before. I encourage you to read the Psalms--I meditated on many of them during my great trial. God is an ever present help in time of need. He knows how to take care of his kids, and he knows how to take care of you, your wife, and your children. I am praying for God to reveal himself to you all during this season--it will for sure give you the simplest and most profound perspective on what is most important in life--your relationship with God, your relationship with your family, and being alive and healthy.
Go in peace!
Praying for you and ypur family. My family just went threw this also. It was a fearful 4 weeks of not knowing and tests. The Lord is with you. Let your emotions catch up with your faith.
ReplyDeletePraying for you Tim and your family. I understand the frustration and weariness that comes with having to wait and not having answers. These are the times that truly test our patience because these are things that really matter. Trust that God is with you in the process. We tend to forget that very quickly when we don't see Him working. God gave you a voice and a passion to write for His glory....I don't think you are done yet. Never lose hope. Praise and thank Him for who He is and what He has done and will do for you and through you.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your family during this difficult time. God Bless!
ReplyDeletewww.knowthecause.com
ReplyDeleteTim, having gone through a very similar ordeal myself back in April and May this year, and then multiple major surgeries, I completely understand what you are going through. I know the mental torture you are experiencing. It seems to just go on forever. It affected pretty much every waking moment and some sleeping moments, too, when I could finally get to sleep. I just wanted answers and to get it out of my body as fast as possible. I don't think I would have made it without faith and the support of family and friends. I tend to not be in touch with my feelings and am generally not very sympathetic with situations I have not personally experienced before. This was a huge wake up call for me and has completely changed my perspective on life and the suffering that others have to go through. I have walked more than a mile in those shoes...
ReplyDeleteI pray that you find a way to find some peace amidst the chaos going on in your mind. I just had to keep reminding myself that God has a plan and a purpose for me, as he does for you. Your faith in God, embracing your support network for all its worth, and having faith and trust in your doctors is the bedrock you must stand on. I know that God was there and guided my doctor's hand when he took the biopsy that isolated my cancer. As hard as the news was to accept and process, I had to be thankful to God for that little miracle and remind myself every day of the amazing blessing that was.
We will be saying prayers for you and your family and the doctors. I hope that you will soon have all the information you need to calm the uncontrollable fear of the unknown and at least allow you to process it all and prepare for the next steps. My heart goes out to you, Tim. If you want to talk or vent, I'd be happy to commiserate.
--Much Love from the Savages
Hi Tim, You and your family will most certainly be in my prayers. "Waiting" is soooo difficult, I feel your pain. I know you are a man of tremendous faith...keep trusting and take one day at a time...you will get through this. God's plan, as I know you know, is wounderous, and perfect. Maybe just keep taking a deep breath and asking God to brush your head with his healing hand... may this give you a peace that is unexplainable. Your wonderful attitude will help you as well. I read a wonderful book called "God Calling" and it says repeatedly "All is Well" I believe this is true for you too.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you Tim!
Mary Osterloh :)
I listen to you and Pam every morning. Not only do you make me laugh but your deep faith in the Lord and your commitment to your families have seen me through some tough roads. In my deepest hour of need a found a phrase in a childrens book that I say the moment I open my eyes "Give me patience give me grace shine Your love upon my face." It helps calm my soul. I pray you or your family find comfort in this simple phrase. My arms are lifted for you.
ReplyDeleteJust seeing this for the first time for some reason. I'm having a procedure done today as well and they are not sure what they will find - maybe nothing, maybe something. I'm also nervous - so I'm trying to give it to God and reading your note touched me. I am praying for you! I pray that you receive the best news ever and there are no signs of it and I pray that this experience allows you to grow compassionate for those who do not always receive the best news or don't know to seek the Lord. The story of Moses having "friends" help him keep his arms up is one of my favorite stories in the Bible. Count me in as one helping you hold up your arms. Keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteTim,
ReplyDeleteI will definitely pray for you and your family. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I had a similar situation last year. He began having chest pains in the beginning of July, and preliminary testing showed a few lumps in his lungs. We were told that the diagnosis would probably be one of two things: lymphoma or sarcoidosis. After more than a month of further testing, tons of waiting, a lung biopsy, and a second examination of the lung tissue (plus tons of prayer from our friends and family) the results were in: sarcoidosis, not lymphoma. During that time, it was the waiting that was the worst. Once we had an answer, we could determine what steps to take. So, praying God will cover you and your wife with his peace while you wait, for speedy results, and for no lymphoma. God bless!
http://youtu.be/kO2H9vqTmfs Awesome Song! Love what she says at the end....... I pray for God to Steady your heart and may the Prince of Peace be with you.
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for you, Tim. Hold on to that scripture...you will rise like the eagles; you will not grow weary and you will not grow faint.
ReplyDeleteTim, I know EXACTLY how you feel. The waiting and not knowing is the hardest part. It has been two months for me, and I know how you and your wife feel. My husband and I have those same talks, and sleepless nights. I wonder if they understand the stress a person goes through while waiting. Keep the faith, that is all we can do. I have found such comfort in reading the Bible. I will add you and your famiy to my prayers. Praying for good results for both of us and others.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your family Tim. Pam has prayed w/ me before in my time of need and I rely on WBGL to get me thru my hour and a half commute to work each day. Love the show. I am that woman that tried to get to Calif. before my mom died and was afraid to fly. God is so good. Stacey
ReplyDeleteTim, I'm so glad you shared this with us. My family will be praying for you. You and Pam are such a blessing to us. Kristie
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for what you're going through and praying that the outcome will be complete healing, relief, and thankfulness to God for his great love and mercy. It seems that every time something is completely out of my control is when God shows me that he's completely in control. I pray this will be the case with you too. We love you for all the smiles you bring about every morning. Know that you and your family are being lifted up in prayer during this time. ~ Linda
ReplyDeleteTim, I am praying for you and I hope this story brings you some confidence in God’s ability and Will to heal.
ReplyDeleteI live in St. Joe and this summer our pastor slipped and fell. As he braced for the fall he hurt his shoulder. He went to the Dr and they assured him everything was fine, but the pain didn’t go away so he went back to Dr and they did an x-ray. They saw something on the bone so they took a biopsy and the results came back malignant.
Since bone cancer is a secondary site they began testing him for a primary. The church had already began to pray and his daughter wrote out a ton of healing and encouraging scriptures for him to claim over and over.
After several tests and scans it was determined that he had kidney cancer. Well our Pastor and our Church believes in healing as being one of the gifts of God so we began to stand on the Word. And we stood, and he stood, and we waited.
About a week after Pastor found out he had kidney cancer, the Spirit of the Lord revealed that his faith had made him whole. He just about cancelled his surgery, but decided to go through with it just in case. I know how that is, when we’re sure we heard from God and doubt creeps in.
Pastor Larry ended up having his kidney removed and they sent it to Mayo for the results. The results came back- NO CANCER! Immediately one begins to wonder if they removed the wrong kidney. No, God’s Word healed him. Since then the Dr’s have done all kinds of tests and scans on him and there is NO CANCER anywhere in his body.
They call him a “Person of Interest”. The Dr’s are completely dumbfounded.
PRAISE GOD, his Word is TRUTH!
Be encouraged Tim, God is doing a work in your body
As I tell others who are struggling with an affliction, don’t claim it as yours. It’s not, “my cancer”. It is an attack of the devil and it MUST bow to the name of Jesus.
Tim, we are praying (here at Buckner and personally) for you and your family! mike julian
ReplyDeleteTim!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your amazing family! Count me in as an "arm holder upper" today and tomorrow and the next day...and the next....you get the picture. :)
Much love coming your way bro!
Kim Underwood
Lord, even when I have trouble all around me, you will keep me alive. Psalm 138:7 There is a window in your heart through which you can see God. Once upon a time that window was clear. Your view of God was crisp. YOu could see God as vividly as you could see a gentle valley or hillside.
ReplyDeleteThen, suddenly, the window cracked. A pebble broke the window. A pebble of pain.
And suddenly God was not so easy to see. The view that had been so crisp had changed.
You were puzzled. God wouldn't allow something like this to happen, would he?
When you can't see him, trust him....Jesus is closer than you've ever dreamed.
From: In the Eye of the Storm (Max Lucado)