Here's what I said:
"Lord, I don't like this, and I would like you to miraculously change this. However, if this is what it takes to better tell your story...if this is what it takes to teach me who you really are...if this is what it takes to make me who you want me to be...than this is what I want."
In retrospect, I kinda feel like I was lying to God because, on a purely human level, this was not what I wanted. In fact, this was the exact opposite of what I wanted. This was scary. This was painful. This was out of my control. I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of fear and pain and insecurity.
Jesus prayed a very similar prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane before being crucified. He didn't like what was about to happen to him. It was going to hurt, and he wanted out. So, he asked for an alternative. Yet Christ also took time to acknowledge that God's will should trump his wants. In Luke 22, Jesus prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
I don't know what this looks like for you. Maybe it's the loss of a job or the loss of a spouse. Maybe it's a health concern or a financial crisis. Maybe it's a failed relationship or a failed business. Maybe it's an uncontrollable addiction or an uncontrollable child. Frankly, it doesn't matter. Just know that it is okay to pray for your own wants and desires. It's okay to pray for healing or restoration or favor or relief. It's okay to pray for selfish stuff. Jesus did.
The key, though, is understanding that this is part of a bigger plan. This is something that God can change, but that he reserves the right not to. This is part of a story we are not the author of, and we don't know the ending to. But this is also promised to--somehow, some way--be used for the glory of God.
We all want our way. But just imagine where we'd be if--2,000 years ago--Jesus had gotten his.
Awesome post, Tim. I read that "mindset in the middle" loud and clear. Last night I prayed a similar prayer. I told God that I would prefer a different set of circumstances but if it was what was keeping me right with Him, then I'd rather deal with the circumstances and have nothing between us.
ReplyDeleteI too often pray for THIS to change and match what I want. Though I add that I know His will is what matters most and that if his will and mine do not match, then I pray for the wisdom to understand more of what He wants me to do.
ReplyDeleteI have been praying a lot for "this" lately. Thanks Tim for sharing
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post! I needed it this morning. I have been trying to witness to my dad (a man who claims he is catholic but doesn't show Christ through his everyday life), and he has always said that he wont pray much for himself because it is selfish. You have helped me by giving me some words that I have been searching for. Thank you again!!!
ReplyDeleteThank You very much for this post! I heard you tell it this morning on the way to work. It is also the same subject of my daily devotion. I am going through a divorce and struggle everyday for what I want, always asking God but I also know He has my best interest and will do what is right for me. I have to remind myself daily that I am to follow Him and no one else, including myself. Again, thank you so very much!!
ReplyDelete"This" would be when my mom passed away. I prayed to God to heal her, knowing that He could. That was not in His plan. Her faith helped me to realize that He had other plans for her. We learn from His choices. God knows what is right for us...we just may not know it at the time.
ReplyDeleteChristopher Abbinett
ReplyDeleteI am going thru what seems to be the most painful time in my life at this moment. I am in love with the most amazing woman and have been for two years. I am unfortunately still married and have stuggled to move forward with the divorce. The woman I love has been patieint loving and tolerant but finally got tired and I understand why. I have beem tryinh to move the divorce forward so we can be together but it did not move fast enough. The amazing woman loves me I know she does she said she had enough and she has but I feel lost without her. My heart is broken I have never felt this kind of pain in my life and want it to stop. I dont think I will never get her back but I dont want to repeat this and I really dont think I will ever find that love again. Praying for gods will and asking him to remove the pain and hurt and loss and guide me in his direction. This is all I can pray I am also 14 years sober and dont want to go back to that life. I want this madness to stop. I love you Julie.
The thing is, no matter what, we have to be honest, "God, I REALLY WANT THIS." Jesus said so. But even in the end, He submitted. God has given us His instructions for how to live in His Word, and we must do our best to carry them out. Sometimes it hurts. I know. Even still, it's God. He'll get what He knows is best for all of us in the end, regardless of what we do.
ReplyDeleteI needed to hear this today, Tim! I have a doctor's appointment this morning to try to figure out what "this" is, but I'm pretty sure that whatever it is...I'm not going to like it! Trying to remember that nothing can happen to me that God doesn't allow. And if He allows it, then ultimately good will come from it!!
ReplyDelete