We're Looking in the Wrong Place

When it comes to weddings, I think we've gotten it all wrong.  Well, maybe not all wrong, but at least the beginning part.  Tradition says that, when the organ (or whatever) begins to play and the bride makes her way down the aisle, the guests are to stand up, turn around, and watch her.

It makes sense I guess.  This is a moment that she's been looking forward to her entire life, and every bride is certainly deserving of the attention.  It's fun, too, to see which wedding gown she picked and how she chose to do her hair.  It's fun to see how nervous her father is and how slowly (or quickly) they make their way to the front.  But, to me, in the midst of all this - in the midst of satisfying my own curiosities - the real story gets lost.

A wedding isn't about the bride's relationship with us (the guests), but about her relationship with the groom.  The dress, the hair, the jewelry, the smile...they weren't painstakingly chosen for the people sitting in the seats, but for the guy standing at the altar.  Who cares about my reaction?  It's his reaction that matters.  And, personally, I would rather see him seeing her for the first time, than see her myself.

Next time you're at a wedding, let me encourage you to at least sneak a peek at the groom as his bride-to-be starts walking his way.  Make it a point to witness his first reaction, rather than be concerned with your own thoughts and feelings.  I'm guessing that the smile on his face and the tears in his eyes will give you a better picture of the bride than your own two eyes ever could.

Not ironically, the Bible uses the bride and groom analogy frequently, calling the church the "bride of Christ."  As in a traditional wedding, the church (the bride) is called to prepare herself for Christ (the groom) and Him alone.  But, I'll be the first to admit that I spend way too much time looking at the church (and it's members) and very little time focusing on Christ himself. I turn my back on Him in order to satisfy my own curiosities, craning my neck to evaluate how someone looks or acts or worships.  It's sad too because, in the end, I wind up missing out on the real joy of my own beautiful story.

The good news, I suppose, is that the "fix" for this problem is a fairly simple one - turn around.  Look at the bridegroom rather than at the church.  His face will tell us all we need to know.

Christians or Liars? I'm Pulling for Liars.

I am a Yankees fan.

Okay, truth be told, I'm not really much of a baseball fan at all...but, if someone came up to me on the street and asked me who my favorite baseball team was, I'd probably say New York.  I mean, they're the most popular franchise, and they have a few well-known players.  I can name Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez, which is approximately two more guys than I can name from any other team.  Plus, lots of people seem to wear Yankee hats.

My dad used to live in New York so, every once in awhile, I'll even watch a Yankees' game - but only in October when things get exciting.  The rest of the year I don't pay much attention.  Honestly, I'd usually rather take a three hour nap.

___________


The above anecdote is the only way I can possibly describe the results of a new Barna study on faith.  Their latest research found that, even in American cities with the lowest "Christianity rate" (Seattle, Las Vegas, San Francisco, etc.), close to 75% of people said that they were Christians.

Of course, it's not any of our jobs to judge whether or not someone actually believes what they say they do, but...you've got to be kidding me.  There is no way in the world that 78% of Miami residents follow Jesus or that 92% of people in Memphis are believers.  It's just not possible.

My guess is that the respondents to this study are likely relying on their own 'default' settings.  When people are asked a question that they don't really have a solid opinion on, they end up grasping for the most popular answer.  Like me with baseball, they've heard of a few high-profile Christians (Billy Graham, Rick Warren, etc.) and have seen lots of people with Jesus bumper stickers.  Their parents called themselves Christians so, on Christmas and Easter, they sometimes end up at the Christian church in town.  They're Christians - the same way I'm a Yankee fan.

Just for a second, let's pretend that everyone who told Barna that they were a Christian actually was one.  That would mean that New Orleans is not only 94% Christian, but also the second most murderous city in America (WalletPop.com - 2010).  It would mean that Los Angeles is not only 75% Christian, but also the meanest and one of the most homeless cities in the country (NPR - 2009).  It would mean that Birmingham, Alabama is not only 96% Christian, but also one of the top ten most dangerous cities in the U.S. (The Birmingham News - 2007).

But I refuse to believe that's the case.

Instead I'm trusting, wholeheartedly, that millions of people either gave the default answer to pollsters, or they flat out lied.  Personally, I hope there was a lot of lying going on.  People who have the same affinity for Christ that I have for the Yankees are difficult to truly share Jesus with because they think they already have Him, but aren't passionate enough to really care if they don't.

Liars at least know the difference.

It Is Better (A Letter for My Two Boys)

Jeremiah and Elijah -

Even though you are both too young to read this letter, I am determined to write it.  My hope is that, eventually, these words might serve as a guide as you navigate your way through life.  But, in the meantime, it will serve as a goal for me as a father.  It will be a daily reminder of the principles and practices that I hope to instill in you, as well as model myself.

This life will present you with many choices.  And, as you make these decisions - both small and large - keep the following principles in mind: 

1.  When it comes to education: Spend much time learning, but spend more time giving. It is better to do more while knowing less than do less while knowing more. (Proverbs 11:24 - "One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.") 

2.  When it comes to happiness: Realize that, if the grass is greener on the other side, someone probably worked really hard to make it that way.  It is better to tend your own lawn than abandon it for someone else’s. (Proverbs 14:30 - "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.")

3.  When it comes to friends:  Choose peers who like you for you instead of liking you for themselves.  It is better to be accepted by one for who you are than accepted by many for what you have. (Proverbs 19:6 - "Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts.")

4.  When it comes to work: Find a job that grows your heart and shrinks your ego rather than grows your ego and shrinks your heart.  It is better to be poor and powerless doing something you love than rich and powerful doing something you regret. (Proverbs 29:23 - "A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.")

5.  When it comes to love: Don’t get married when the girl says she can’t live without you.  Get married when your heart says you can’t live without her. It is better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single. (Proverbs 31:10 - "A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.")

6.  When it comes to family: Know that your actions do not affect our love, but that our love is designed to affect your actions.  It is better to know a love that doesn't end rather than constantly wonder when it will.  (Proverbs 22:6 - "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.")

7.  When it comes to faith: Align your lifestyle with your beliefs, not your beliefs with your lifestyle.  It is better to hold on to your convictions when life gets hard than let go of them to make life easier.  (Proverbs 28:14 - "Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.")

As your father (and your biggest fan) I promise to help you both learn and apply these principles.  I ask you to help keep me accountable for them as well.


I love you,

Dad

Should You Get Paid to NOT Speed?

On the morning show this week we talked about whether or not parents should pay their kids to get good grades, and it was definitely a divided issue.  One comment I received via email said, "My son's job is to go to school and get good grades. We pay him for a job well done, just like adults get paid for going to work and doing a good job."  And, while I understand that mentality, I don't agree with it.

There seems to be a misunderstanding between the meaning of the words duty and job.  A duty is something that must be done without promise of a reward or a return.  A job is optional but is something that, once completed, demands payment.


Personally, I believe it is a child's duty (or obligation) to go to school every day and try as hard as he or she can - not their job.  Paying them to do so implies that education is, somehow, optional.  According to the government, and to most parents, it is certainly not.  To me, handing out cash for grades is equivalent to the police department issuing checks to motorists who don't speed or principals passing out twenty dollar bills to kids for not smoking after school.  Those things are required, and requirements are punishable when they aren't followed - not paid for when they are.


(As an aside: Rewards can certainly be useful for encouraging our kids good work...but it certainly doesn't seem like these benefits should be promised ahead of time in exchange for a certain result at school.)


Whether or not you pay your kids for good grades, I think there is something to be learned here when it comes to our faith.  Christians (including me) often see following Christ as a job, rather than a duty.  We look for a payoff when we do or say or believe the right thing...and we get frustrated when our good behavior isn't subsequently rewarded.


We tithe and then expect benefits.  We pray and then expect positive results.  We hold back our anger and then expect the dicey situation to miraculously resolve itself.  But, as Christians, our reward is heavenly, not earthly.  Like a student working his or her way toward graduation, we have an ultimate goal in mind, but it's not one that we should plan on getting paid for along the way.


The destination, in and of itself, ought to be reward enough.