Hurting People Drive Escalades Too

As the tall, leggy blonde stepped out of her SUV, I couldn’t help but stare.  Not so much because of her expensive clothes and exquisite makeup, but because she just seemed so out of place.  The shiny, new Cadillac she drove had windows blackened to match the exterior paint and shiny chrome that you could see your reflection in.  Both car and driver stuck out like sore thumbs amongst the well-worn, stain-filled sedans in the parking lot and the overworked, under-appreciated moms who drove them.

This woman’s high-heels clicked as she walked around her Escalade and opened the rear passenger-side door.  I quickly noticed that the inside was as squeaky-clean as the outside, despite the newborn twins who were quietly sleeping inside.  With my mind so wrapped up in the irony of the situation, I almost didn’t notice the man hoisting the giant (and quite expensive) double-stroller out of the trunk.  He had quietly slipped out of the front seat while I was gawking at the giant rims on their ride.

Twins or not, it seemed ridiculous – in my head anyway – that this couple would show up for a free oil change and car wash.  After all, that’s why everyone else was there.  On a day set aside to help struggling single moms, the waiting room was filled with women who had real needs and real struggles.  With the exception of this new arrival, there were no reliable vehicles in sight.  There were no nice strollers in the trunk.  There were no strapping young men waiting in the front seat.

Curious to know just how pompous and arrogant (and downright greedy) this Hollywood couple actually was, I approached them.  The consummate storyteller in me wanted every last detail so that I could tell of this family’s ridiculous behavior time and time again.  With my friends over lunch.  With my wife over coffee.  With my co-workers at our next staff meeting.

Slipping my sunglasses to the top of my head, I casually (yet very intentionally) asked the tall blonde what had brought her to this non-descript repair shop on the seedy side of town. Her answer changed my life.

She told me that her twins had been born eight weeks prior, each weighing less than half of what a healthy baby should. After nearly two months attached to hoses and tubes and wires and needles, this tiny brother and sister duo was on their first road trip.  In fact, they had been out of the hospital for less than 48 hours.  Then a brief pause in the story brought tears to her eyes.

Trying not to smudge her freshly applied makeup, this new mom explained that the guy with the stroller was simply a friend of the family lending a helping hand.  She then shared that, two days before she gave birth, the man who these precious babies should have one day called “daddy” walked out the door of her hospital room and never returned.

Suddenly, I wished I hadn’t moved my sunglasses.

I cried a lot that morning, and, at first, my sadness was for this heartbroken mom and her twins.  For the loss.  For the grief.  For the futures that had been callously re-written before they even began.  But, as the day progressed, the majority of my tears were for me.  For my hardened heart.   For my myopic mind.  For my terrible tendency to glance at a person’s looks and make a snap judgment about their life.

After thirty-plus years on this planet, I can’t help but wonder how many opportunities I’ve missed to love on someone simply because they didn’t look or act like what I thought they should.  How many chances I’ve missed to comfort or encourage someone because I was looking the other way.  How many times I’ve ignored someone in need because they weren’t wearing a giant sign that said, “I’m hurting today.”

I have a new motto in life and, perhaps, it might help you as well:  “Hurting people drive Escalades too.”  Tape it to your dashboard.  Slip it in your wallet.  Leave it on your bathroom mirror.  It has the power to change lives…especially yours.

A Change Will Do You Good

Maybe it's just me, but somewhere along the way, I think Christians got the idea that we're supposed to be changing people.  We're supposed to convert those around us from sinners into saints.  From lost to found.  From messy to clean.

The promiscuous teen. The alcoholic co-worker.  The cheating husband.  The deceptive wife.  Each, seemingly, is the perfect target for a Christian's help.  For our answers.  If we just talk to her or have lunch with him, we can "fix" the issue and (just maybe) bring up Jesus in the process.

Personally, I think we've gotten it backward.  Over time so many Christians have been groomed to believe that it's our job to lead those around us to purity, sobriety, monogomy, honesty or whatever.  We believe that it's our job to bring about change in someone's life.  To, somehow, elicit an attitude or lifestyle change before Jesus ever changes their heart.

Expecting someone who doesn't know Christ to live like they do is absurd.  It's putting the cart before the horse.  Without any compelling reason to change, there's really no chance that they'll even try.

As best I can tell, the only place that Christians are called to lead people to...is to Christ himself.  He takes care of the heart...and the lifestyle follows.  Not the other way around.  God specializes in sinners.  He loves the lost.  He majors in messy.  You and I are simply asked to point people to Him as best we know how.

True change happens not when we present perfect people to Jesus, but when we present a perfect Jesus to people.  That requires you working on you and me working on me...not us working on them.

What Do You Want Less Of?

This year has been a year of growth for me, especially in the area of priorities.

When you're single, the only person that matters is you.  Whether you want to climb the corporate ladder or climb Mt. Everest - it doesn't really matter.  If you want to surf the waves in Hawaii or surf the internet for three hours every night after work - you can do it.  No questions asked.

It's embarrassing, but so much of me assumed that, after getting married and having kids, my life wouldn't change all that much.  That, somehow, family stuff would work it's way through the cracks of my already well-orchestrated lifestyle.  That we would move or travel or rearrange our lives at the drop of a hat to follow my dreams and ambitions.

But that's not the way it works.  And, honestly, I've come to see that it's not the way I even want it to work.  It's not that I've put my dreams and ambitions on hold, it's that my dreams and ambitions have radically changed from what they once were.  I'm not there yet.  Not even close really.  But I'm starting to work on a new set of priorities...

• I want to owe less and love more.
• I want less stress and more sanity.
• I want fewer lunch meetings and more dinner dates.
• I want less time on the road and more time reading to my kids. 
• I want less time making money and more time making memories.
• I want to spend less and share more.
• I want to see my kids less when they're sleeping and more when they're awake.
• I want fewer keys on my key ring and more pictures in my wallet.
• I want to be needed less by many so I can be needed more by few.
• I want to be led less by my schedule and more by my Savior.

Moving from self-ish to self-less is not easy, nor is it quick...but it is necessary.  And perhaps, in the end, that's what I want most of all.

Politics and the Church - Pt. 3

This is the third part of a series on the politics of church.  Specifically, on the similarities (and necessary differences) between the American political system and the 21st century church.  If you missed part one or part two, I'd encourage you to read them before continuing...

In America we've been taught to believe that democracy is a wonderful thing.  And, as a form of governing a country, it is.  The system allows for everyone to have a voice.  To play a role in the direction the country is headed.  To institute change as the majority sees fit.

As a result, the church has come to adopt the democracy model too.  We've created an environment in which each person who walks through the doors on Sunday gets a say.  Sometimes it's in a formal business meeting.  Other times it's in a less-stuffy discussion or test group.  But it's a say nonetheless.

Unfortunately...and this is my third (and final) point in the series...

3.  True spiritual leadership doesn't involve counting votes.

Nowhere in the Bible does it mention that pastors or elders or overseers are to poll people to see what they want to do.  To hold votes on church membership or leadership.  To cast ballots on mission statements or spending decisions.

The Bible does, however, speak of church leaders being shepherds, preachers, teachers, and instructors.  Scripture does demand that they be self-controlled, humble, respectable, and hospitable.  But electioneers?  No.  Swayed by the opinion of the people they have been called to lead?  Nope.  

Leaders, whether it be in the church or elsewhere, are called to make decisions for those who choose to follow them.  To set a course and move unashamedly in that direction.  To rally people around an idea, a cause or a mission.

Those in authority who consistently look to the majority for direction aren't really leaders at all.  They're just good at math.