Completeness in Christ

I spent some time this morning talking to David Zach, lead singer of the band Remedy Drive. Part way through our ten minute conversation, David (a family man/rockstar living in Lincoln, Nebraska) shed some light on how the group's song "All Along" was written.

In a nutshell, "All Along" came from a very honest place in David. A place where he realized that the many things he thought would fulfill him...ultimately didn't. In the first verse David writes:

It’s not everything it seems - the world and its dreams
Slipping like water through my hands tonight
All the things I thought would fill me up inside
Left me empty here - and now I know why

For David, getting a record contract was it. The pinnacle of achievement for him and his three brothers (who are also in the band). Then it became hearing their song on the radio for the first time. Then, a national concert tour. Like a drug, once he got a little in his system, he kept craving more and more and more. But nothing satisfied.

David even mentioned getting married and having kids as "letdowns". As great as family can be, they didn't leave him feeling complete like he thought they would. Sound familiar?

Well, in the chorus of "All Along", the Remedy Drive front man begins to work things out:

All along I was looking for something else
You’re something else
All along I was looking for something more
You’re so much more
I finally found what I could never see before
You’ve always been the one that I was looking for

I don't know about you, but I'm guilty of not finding my completeness in Christ. Too often, I try to find it in my work, my connections, my writing, my popularity, etc....but to no avail. My satisfaction is always short-lived. My fulfillment is always fleeting.

Rock star, radio personality or anything in between...our satisfaction, completeness and fulfillment can only be found in one place...in one person. And, as David reminds us, He's been there "All Along".

YOUR TURN: What thing/person/event are you counting on today for your fulfillment?

Baby Naked vs. Old Naked

As the father of a two and a half year old and a ten month old, I know all about naked. There's bath-time naked. There's diaper-change naked. There's I-decided-to-take-off-my-onesie-and run-around-the-house-just-because naked.

I can handle naked.

However, I must admit, I was rather caught off guard last year when I started working out at a nearby gym. I hadn't been in a locker room since high school, and was immediately taken aback by all the, well...naked. But this wasn't baby naked. It was old naked.

Retired men, long past their prime, mingling with friends and acquaintances in their birthday suits as if they were chatting by the water cooler in their business suits. Brushing their teeth. Naked. Drying their hair. Naked. Shaving. Naked.

Finally, after months of averting my eyes and never setting down my toothbrush, this sign (left) suddenly appeared on the locker room mirror.

I don't know about you, but (to me) this is not something that should have to be said. Isn't it obvious?

Back in Jr. High gym class, people my age learned the fine art of changing their clothes without ever exposing skin. Kids would put their shorts on over their jeans and then take the jeans off. I think this is still true in many schools...but, apparently, that wasn't the case back in the 40's and 50's. They were like Adam and Eve - naked and unashamed. And they still are.

Mercifully, I'm not going to analyze this any further. However, I will say this: generations are different. It really doesn't matter why. And it really doesn't matter how it happens. All that matters is that we're different...and that we recognize it.

As you and I share our faith with people around us, we must recognize that things aren't like they used to be. It really doesn't matter why. And it really doesn't matter how it happened. Just know that if you're expecting to relate to this generation with tools you learned in your generation, I wouldn't expect to get a warm welcome.

The message hasn't changed...but the methods have (or need to).

Just ask a father who's trying to relate to his teenage son. Just ask the pastor of a 20-25 year old church. Just ask an unsuspecting 30-something who walks into a locker room full of old guys.

Friends of Michael Hyatt, Welcome!

It truly is an honor to have you check out my blog today. Thank you. If you're like me, you've got a million things going on at the same time...and I know that your time is precious.

So, to save you a few minutes, I've taken the liberty of posting links to some of my most popular blogs, as well as to my website, Facebook and Twitter accounts. I hope you'll take time to join, read, follow, comment and (ultimately) share/discuss what's below. In no particular order, here you go:

Websites:

Twitter: http://twitter.com/timjsinclair
Facebook: http://facebook.com/wbgltim
Website: http://www.tim-sinclair.com/

Popular Blogs:

The Morality of Marketing: http://ow.ly/18NIr
Why (Some) Christians Annoy Me: http://ow.ly/18NBa
Painting with a Broad Brush: http://ow.ly/18NDG
One Word: http://ow.ly/18NEG
Can "Viral" Be Created?: http://ow.ly/18NGF

Thanks again for checking out the blog. I'm looking forward to future discussions with you!

Tim


P.S. To my regular blog readers, if you haven't read my guest post for Michael Hyatt's website (he's the CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers), you can find it here: http://michaelhyatt.com

Capable or Called?

The book Good to Great has already been written. It's a good read too, whether you're a business-minded person or not. Basically, it outlines companies who successfully removed all of the 'good' stuff they were doing so that they could focus on being truly 'great' at one specific thing.

So, with that said, I fully realize that I'm not re-inventing the wheel or anything here. However, in my own life, I'm trying to evaluate everything I do in a Good-to-Great-like fashion. I call it Capable or Called.

Sadly, I often confuse the two. Do you?

Just because you're capable of singing, doesn't mean you need to be on the praise team at church. Just because you know a little about soccer, doesn't mean you need to coach your child's team this year. Just because you're a pretty good photographer, doesn't mean you need to be your extended family's de facto picture-taker.

None of these things are bad in and of themselves...but they become so if they're taking time and energy away from what God has truly called you to do.

Recently, I've come up with a brief synopsis of the direction I feel God has for my life. It's my filter for deciding which projects to take on, and which ones not to. And I think the same exercise could be helpful for you too. Here's mine: "Turning big ideas into bite-sized, easily-relatable chunks."

That's right, I'm a nut-sheller.

Whether it's two minutes at a time on the radio (my show), a few paragraphs on paper (my blog) or 15 minutes on stage (my speaking engagements)...God has called me to communicate real-life principles (both creatively and effectively) in short, quickly-digestible ways. It's what I do.

No matter how capable I may be at it...everything else is just a distraction.

YOUR TURN: How are the things you're capable of getting in the way of the things you're called to do?

Faking It

I hate gardening. I mean really hate it. You have no idea. I'll mow the lawn and shovel snow all day long, but ask me to plant a shrub or pull a weed and my head starts to feel all funny.

It's not that I can't wield a shovel or sport a pair of work gloves...it's just that, frankly, I don't want to. So, early in our marriage, I pretended to do it poorly. I whined. I complained. I shallowly dug holes and thinly applied mulch. I frequently made trips inside the house to "check something".

The idea, of course, was to appear SO inept at gardening that my wife would never ask me to do it again. Eventually, she learned that I wasn't going to be much help and resorted to doing the job herself.

I hate to admit it, but it's true. Sometimes, out of pure selfishness, guys fake it.

For you, maybe it's not gardening. Maybe it's doing the dishes or folding the laundry. Maybe it's bathing the dog or making dinner. Maybe it's organizing the garage or helping feed the kids.

While we might be able to laugh about some of these things, my fear is that (in some cases) this "man methodology" has been taken WAY too far. It's creeping into our marriages...and it's doing more damage than we realize.

On Facebook yesterday, I was sad to read post after post from women who got nothing from their husbands for Valentine's Day. Not a card. Not a rose. Not a kiss. Nothing. It was clear that many of these ladies weren't looking for things, they were looking for thoughts. They weren't looking for flowers, they were looking for feelings. As it turned out, they didn't get any of the above.

I guess it's time to be blunt: Guys, step up. Seriously. Winning your wife didn't end when you said "I do". The chase for her isn't over...or shouldn't be. No matter how terrible you think you are at being romantic or how much you hate sharing your feelings, you can't fake your way out of loving your mate the same way you fake your way out of cleaning the sink.

Remember, if you don't clean the sink...someone eventually will.

And ladies, just as romance shouldn't end for him now that you're married, the marriage shouldn't end for you just because there was no romance on Valentine's Day.

As Dr. Emerson Eggerich describes so well in his book Love & Respect, the more respect a man feels, the more love he's likely to give. And the more love a woman feels, the more respect she's likely to give.

Don't feel like loving her or respecting him right now? Fake it. You might be surprised at the results.

YOUR TURN: In what areas of your life have you been "faking it"?

The Magic Words...

(Flashback Friday arrived a little late this week - sorry! This is a re-post from last summer...)

Over the past few months, Heather and I have taught our non-quite two year old son Jeremiah how to say "please". There seem to be many things these days that the little guy wants, but can't get for himself. So we thought that teaching him to ask us politely would be a natural next step.

If you have kids, you've no doubt learned that teaching them manners is a much more pleasant alternative than non-stop tugging, uncontrollable crying or high-pitched screaming every time they want something. It's also much less embarrassing in public. Thankfully, for the most part, our plan has worked well. While Jeremiah can't quite say "please", he can say "puhhhh". Close enough for us.

It didn't take very long though before "puhhhh" became a 'magic' word in our house. Whenever Jeremiah thinks he needs to go outside and play, get a toy out of his closet, or eat a piece of daddy's chocolate chip cookie, he immediately says "puhhhh". While it's polite (and adorably cute), sometimes Heather and I still have to tell him no. It may be that the weather is too cold to go outside, the toy is too difficult to reach, or the cookie is too yummy for daddy to give up.

Much to his dismay, saying "please" doesn't necessarily mean that Jeremiah gets want he wants. This, invariably, leads to more tugging, crying and screaming.

To be honest, it took me way too long to realize that I'm often guilty of the same thing. You see, as Christians, we have another name for "please". It's called "prayer". We've been taught (or have observed) that when we want or need something, we pray. It tends to be the 'magic word' for people of faith. Someone gets sick...we lose our job...the car won't start. So, we pray. And, often times, expect an immediate (and positive) answer. Then, when we don't get what we want, we start tugging on God's proverbial pant leg.

Jeremiah is a toddler, and he's still learning. I've been a Christian for 25 years. Sometimes I wonder who will grow up faster. The good news is, as much as I love my son, God loves me even more. That goes for you too.

Happier People Expect Less

I sent out a completely unscientific Twitter message the other day that said, "I'm convinced that 90% of life's problems are a result of unmet expectations. Maybe more."

Think about it...

Your teenager shows up an hour after his curfew. You expected that he would call first. Problem.

Your husband brings you a card and a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. You expected flowers and dinner. Problem.

Your boss asks you to work late next week. You expected that you would get out early for a change. Problem.

I'll go so far as to say that most every problem you've had recently can eventually be traced back to an unmet expectation.

Well, just minutes after posting my Twitter message, I received a reply from a friend. He cited specific scientific evidence which showed that people who have low expectations are actually happier people. By my math, if your expectations are low enough, you could theoretically get rid of 90% of your problems.

But is that the answer?

For some perfectionistic, control-freak types, it probably is. For other less-uptight folks, maybe not. But, regardless, here's what we know (or can extrapolate):

1. Unmet expectations cause problems.

2. Met expectations avoid problems.

3. Exceeded expectations overcome problems.

In essence, people who have low expectations are happier because they frequently have their expectations met or exceeded.

While you and I represent ourselves, our companies, our families and our faith, we can't change what people expect, but we can change what we give them.

The other 10% of life's problems you'll have to figure out for yourself.

The Self-Confidence Chasm

Watch more than a handful of American Idol auditions, and you'll quickly discover that many people's perceptions of themselves aren't even close to lining up with reality. Sure, there are plenty of pure attention-seekers who manage to grab a few seconds of fame on Fox...but there are a significant number of others who misguidedly think that they're the next Carrie Underwood or Kris Allen.

The other night a young Colorado girl poured her heart and soul into a song that was downright awful. Every judge hated it, including Simon who said that her performance "killed every cat in Denver." But she honestly thought she was fabulous.

If you've been on Facebook over the last few weeks, you've likely seen another example of this "self-confidence chasm": doppelgangers. In a nutshell, this involves changing your profile picture to that of a celebrity who you think looks like you. (Here's what my co-host Pam chose for me: it's the teacher from "Glee". Really?)




Some people have done a really good job. But, to be honest, I've seen more than a handful of pictures that actually made me laugh out loud. Friends of mine are actually comparing themselves to some of the most beautiful celebrities in the world: Jillian, the trainer from the Biggest Loser, Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Bruce Willis.

Wow. I know this is a game, but come on. What mirror are they looking in? And where do I get one?

Now maybe I'm just bitter because one of those celebrity look-a-like websites told me I looked like Nelson Mandela...while another said I was a dead ringer for Kate Moss. But its more than that.

I'm concerned that our society has created an entitled generation. A generation that genuinely believes they deserve a million dollar recording contract from American Idol...regardless of vocal talent. A generation that honestly thinks they are owed a starring role on television...despite an inability to act. A generation that legitimately believes that they look like Heidi Klum or Brad Pitt...elastic waistband and coke-bottle glasses notwithstanding.

Are we really so insecure with ourselves that we can't accept who God made us to be? Do we really think that our friends or family (or even complete strangers) will more lovingly accept us if we pretend to be talented or athletic or beautiful?

Mother Theresa's beauty wasn't found in her appearance. Billy Graham's worth can't be measured by his bank account. Princess Diana's value wasn't in what she wore. These people accepted who they were (or weren't) and made a difference in the world anyway.

I guess that means being compared to Nelson Mandela isn't so bad after all.

Everything I Need to Know About Church...

...I learned while working in radio.

Seriously.

Here are five radio principles that can (and will) radically transform your church:

1. Pick a target. Just like radio stations have genres (country, rap, rock, etc.), churches need to focus on a very specific segment of the population too (young families, empty-nesters, college students, etc.). "Christians" isn't a narrow enough demographic. Be specific. If you aim at nothing, that's exactly what you'll hit.

2. Know your audience. Several times a month, our radio station sends out surveys to thousands of listeners...ultimately helping us to better understand their needs. We don't "bet the farm" on those results, but we do take them into consideration as we map the future of our music and programming. Your church can do the same. (Note: Keep tip #1 in mind when you survey. Make sure you're polling people who are IN your target. Otherwise, people you AREN'T going after will steer you away from the ones you ARE.)

3. Don't be afraid to lead. While it IS important to learn from those you are trying to impact (#2), radio stations are NOT democracies. And neither are churches. I don't recall anywhere in the Bible where Jesus told the disciples, "Go hold an election, see what the people say, and then do that." Pastors and elders are called to be leaders, not vote counters.

4. Prepare for complaints. I'm paraphrasing, but doesn't the Bible say something about, "Where two or more are gathered together, at least one of them is probably complaining." Regardless, you ARE going to get complaints...and, if steps 1-3 are firmly in place, they are much easier to handle. When somebody calls our studio asking why we don't play black gospel songs, I have no problem pointing them to a radio station that does. Churches should be able to do the same. Everybody is better off when the right people are in the right place. If the right place isn't YOUR church, that's okay.

5. It's less about music and more about atmosphere. In a digital age, people can get music anywhere. They can get messages anywhere too. Chances are, both will be better quality than whatever your church is offering. What can't be duplicated is the atmostphere. In radio, we work hard to build relationships with our audience, to interact with them both on and off the air. Listeners need to feel like part of our family, otherwise they'll just plug in their iPod. If your church is solely counting on music and/or messages to keep people flooding in the door, you're probably going to be disappointed.

Blunt? Maybe. True? I think so.

How about you?